Admit it. When you think about food and the Eleventh Doctor, you expect fish fingers and custard. Of course you do. Everyone loves fish fingers and custard. That’s why I have a whole chapter dedicated to it. Meanwhile, let’s take a look at all the odd things the brand new eleventh Doctor finds total rubbish. A new mouth is confusing.

apples
yogurt (with bits in)
bacon
beans
bread and butter
carrots (he knows they’re rubbish without even trying)

The sliced apples, carrots, and yogurt with bits in actually go together pretty well. People serve fruit and veggies with yogurt dip all the time.

You can either pile everything into bowls so they can sit on the same platter, or set up two adjacent platters with a symbolically carved apple on each one so people know they belong together.

If you're going for two platters, slice the apples (squirt lemon juice over them to keep them from browning) and arrange the apple slices, carrots, and yogurt on one plate. Put the beans, bacon, and bread and butter on another. This is hands down, one of the fastest and simplest things you can serve your guests. Make sure both plates have one whole apple with a smiley face carved into one side.

If you’re feeling extra schmancy you can always surround the rubbish with a baked eel in jelly as a stand in for the multiform that lives upstairs from Amy Pond, but that requires you to actually like eel. If you do, the recipes in this book probably seem downright mundane.

Confidentially, if you want to sexy this up with the addition of an Atraxi spaceship you can always cut one of those giant eyeball shaped gumballs in half (available in both candy stores and in gumball machines near the exit of many groceries.) Get some pre-made sugar cookie dough. Roll it out, cut it into a big spikey snow flake, and suddenly you have an Atraxi spaceship. Bake the sugar cookie according to package directions. While the cookie is still warm, squish the sliced eyeball into the middle of the spaceship and let it cool into place. Position it in one corner of the plate so it can creepily watch everyone eat.

Alternately, if you’re Scottish, you can just fry something.

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You can find plenty of recipes for your Doctor Who viewing party (plus an entire chapter just for fish fingers and custard) in Dining With The Doctor: The Unauthorized Whovian Cookbook.